Fark, and the passing of an online friend

I wrote this earlier today on Fark.com which is my most frequently visited website. I use the same screen name (ADHD Adult) because I think it describes me fairly well. Anyways, Fark.com has a pretty tight-knit online community and people in the TotalFark section (the pay part of the site) have long discussions and generally respect and care for each other. Sometimes though, life happens, as does death. A TotalFarker recently passed away, and the man who runs the site, Drew, wrote a moving eulogy. I felt compelled to respond with my view of the subject of online friends, having lost a cherished internet friend before. It totally destroyed my world for a while. I loved her. Anyways, here is what I wrote in response.

Drew, your eulogy for NaSKar struck a poignant chord with me. I'm a fairly new Fark member but both my dad and I have perused this site for years.

I did not know Nasser nor do I remember any of his posts but I know what you mean about internet friends and when they die, how they are always still there. I had a friend as such, a few years younger than I, we met on ICQ in 1997 when I was first delving the internet. I was 14, she was 12, and we got to know each other really well over the next decade, and yes, I fell in love with her many times over the years. We finally made plans to meet, and I bought tickets to a concert and a plane ticket to her city, only she was murdered by her jealous ex bf (he also murdered her little brother who tried to stop it and injured the other - they were visiting on Christmas Day). I even called after work (night shift, called at noon but she was dead by then).

I felt terrible guilt because I had talked with him, asked him to let her be free to love other people but he didn't. He killed her. I met her at her grave, and said goodbye. Sometimes I still cry. She was 22.

I think the connections we make with people on the internet are bigger than the ones in real life because we are so much more open on the internet and that is because we can hide our face but not our soul. I'm not a believer in God but I believe in reincarnation of the soul and we are surrounded by people we have known in previous lives, some we are destined to be with in certain relationships, we need these people in our lives to know what life is, and to me, life is our experiences. I'm an amateur philosopher/psychologist and I think the people we meet who affect us, we take a little bit of their personality that we like (unconsciously) and insert it into our own personality. They will live forever through us.

Rest in Peace Nasser. I never knew you but you sound like you were a fun person to drink with.

Rest in Peace too, Ili. I miss you terribly and hate Christmas now because that was the day you died.