Poetry and Heavy Metal

If you know me in real life, you will know I am passionate about two things. Well three things but I don't feel like writing about reading books. I'd rather be reading them. So these two things I devote a lot of time to are writing poetry (I swear it's all terrible and is missing something but some pieces I eventually become happy with) and listening to heavy metal. I've been known to do both at the same time. By poetry I don't mean that lame ass emo crap "oh life sucks / let me die" or stuff along similar lines, but maybe a love poem following archaic writing details (which sometimes I fail to accomplish though the poem might still be good). Most times I admit I have no idea what type of poem or what I'm going to write about until I put the pencil to the paper (one of my quirks is I use a mechanical pencil, preferably with a green paper clipping thing on the end, and I hate writing if I am using a different colour except purple, or with a different writing utensil). Though it is rare I sometimes do have an idea of what I will write about.

Most people think these two hobbies/passions/pursuits of mine are so completely different. I've had several people say to me "I can't believe you write so exquisitely, so tenderly, and listen to such horrible garbage". To which my initial reply is laughter in a mocking and somewhat condescending tone followed by "Metal is more poetic than you'd think. These artists are working with two mediums to portray their poetry in a more in depth fashion than mere words on paper, or on a computer". Now obviously this view depends on what band it is, what song they are writing/playing, what they are trying to portray, etc etc. Some of the best music in all genres is music that makes you feel how the artist feels. Ask a rap fan why they like Tupac, a top 40's fan why they like Celine Dion (duh, cause they're retarded), a country music fan about that superfluous 'o' in country music, or to stay on topic, why they like that sort of music. We read things into music, including the lyrics. Not everyone will like what someone else considers music. Music also becomes redundant when you or the artist lose that special connection. Think crunk rap. What purpose does it serve? Or what about newer Metallica albums. They have lost connection from what they did to what they are trying to do. You cannot force it. That being said a band evolves. Look at the evolution of The Beatles, Pantera, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, The Eagles, etc etc. Go where your music takes you, don't try to bring old music with you.

Of course I got distracted in my writing there. You know what would be awesome? A Heavy Metal allegorical concept album. No one seems to write in allegory lately. I've always thought that the Iron Maiden album Seventh Son of a Seventh Son would be a concept album (or a better one) if they switched two songs. I haven't listened to that album in a while so I forgot the songs. I'm going to listen to it and post the songs in comments.

Poetry and heavy metal. To some they are complete opposites. To others they are eerily similar. To a brave few, they are just awesome! I can't explain why I like them so much. Maybe I see the creativity behind both. Not everyone can sing, and even less people can do a metal growl. I can. I sing along to death metal. I'm proud of that fact. If you know me you are completely unsurprised by this. If you don't know me you probably are still unsurprised. Stop shaking your head like that.

I will continue to write poetry. I hope one day to have a book of poems published. I also hope that on that day it flies off the shelves, making me into an instant sensation, a coup de grace against my somewhat low self esteem concerning my creativity. I write with an innocent look at things, at life. I feel my poetry is missing something, and when I find that one thing, I will be great. Until then I will remain writing, and listening to Heavy Metal. Also drinking the occasional beers or whiskeys because I sometimes write poetry when I drink. Sure the words need editing, I might change around the structure, but yeah. I do it.

On a side note, I've noticed some poems I write, very rarely do I come to this, that they drain me when I write them, that I put so much emotion into them there is nothing left in me and I need to recharge. Is this an example of a good poem? One that leaves the poet temporarily bereft of emotion and drained of humanity?

Zombies!

Zombies. Though most people I know of try to get brains by going to school and studying, the thought of the bloodthirsty undead (soulless) has enthralled people for at least a thousand years (first case I know of being in Arabian Nights). While the animation of a postmortem person seems unlikely (sorry Mary Shelley), there has been a new trend in the description of Zombies which does seem logical, and therefore a completely viable beginning. This is that humans are not undead but host to a virus or a symbiotic (albeit a rather one side) relationship with a smaller living organism. I can see current fascination with these theories being that people debate over what it would be like to lose what makes us human (compassion, intelligence, higher learning), yet still retain human abilities (mostly the learning aspect). There is also the matter of the very taboo subject of cannibalism, and we distance ourselves in every way possible from those who practice this grotesque way of obtaining sustenance. So, the Zombie theories have piqued my curiosity, especially the virus theory as viruses (viri?) are organisms that so far as we know are a) the most abundant biological entity and b) only able to replicate inside other cells.

I admit I have some, but not much, knowledge of the function of the human brain and ways in which a Zombie virus could take hold of us. I have seen few movies/shows which explain how they came to be; the one with an Earth history came from the show The Fringe and 75,000 years in the past. It would stand to reason to me that humanity would be wiped out in that case. It would seem more likely to me that such a dangerous biological entity which could potentially destroy the world as we know it would come from space, much like the Stargate Wraiths, only instead of a worm, imagine tiny cells lying frozen in space on or in an asteroid. There are countless possibilities where we could go from here. The cells might not be compatible with Earth DNA, or if so it might bypass Earth and hit Mars, or be in a completely different galaxy and have no chance of making it here. It could be the expansion of the human race beyond our planet and galaxy (something I hope) might uncover this particular type of danger (something I do not hope). Anyways, how might this affect our brains assuming its a DNA compatible virus?

Previous stories/movies of Zombies have them as slow walking or 'shuffling' undead. If it was a virus I would say with reasonable certainty that this would not be the case as since the point of life is replication it would be counter-productive to limit the motor functions. At this point we'd have to hope that the virus doesn't expand our motor functions, giving us a perpetual adrenaline rush where we are stronger, faster, more resistant to pain because our survival is in question. If a Zombie virus hijacked our adrenal glands, there could be damage to our brain, and if it's in the fore brain (frontal lobe), damage there would explain a drop in 'humanity' (albeit the damage would have to be severe. Infection would compel us beyond all notions of humanity to spread the virus to others and thus possibly spare the frontal lobe severe damage). The Zombies eating brains I believe is outdated. They'd go for your kidneys, for more adrenaline.

These are brief and barely explored ideas concerning a Zombie infection. I watched the movie Zombieland last night and to me it seemed a fairly intelligent way of approaching a Zombie apocalypse by the narrator having a list of what to do to stay alive. His 'the first to go are the fat ones who can't run' has me a little worried. I'm not fat but I don't think I could out run a Zombie if it ran at normal human speed. I have a cane though, and I'd go down fighting. I want a cane sword. Or a bionic leg. Or both. While a viral Zombie Apocalypse doesn't seem likely, there are probably those who believe it can be done. They are probably the same ones who believe that the AIDS/HIV are man made. I think one should go to Wikipedia (or Google Scholar, both of which are easy to access) and search FIV. This is endemic in some places (think Lions in Africa) but evolution has provided resistance. It stands to reason that it has been around for a while then in various forms (so far no Canine one) so that nature is inventing its own protections. That to me says that HIV/AIDS is not human made. Let's hope there's no Zombie virus hidden in monkeys or apes deep in the darkest depths (yes, redundant) of the jungles/caves/etc etc.

Any thoughts on this or man-made viruses (viri?)? Zombie thoughts? Additional thoughts on what I briefly proposed as a likely scenario?

Memories, and how they change

My brother used to tell me I had selective memory whenever we remembered the same situation differently. This used to frustrate me, and older me wishes I had the snappy comeback of 'Yeah but you're older, your memory will go before mine'. Alas I'm about fifteen years too late for that. Memories do change though, and sometimes not on purpose. Imagine you are thinking about someone you know well and you are with them, then you do something completely different from what you did in truth, and you can imagine their results. For example, I have a friend, female, nice looking young lady (so naturally I teased her when I could). Her parents have a place by a lake and I used to go swimming and hang out with her because I felt good being around her. She is a good person. Anyways, about six or seven years ago (I forget) I had gone over for a swim, and afterward we were lying on the dock drying out in the sun in early summer. The weather was beautiful, the trees were green, the water was cold, the company was awesome. I looked over to say something to my friend, and was suddenly struck by her beauty. One of those moments where you just say 'Wow'. I completely forgot what I was going to say. I think instead I just went back into the water. The other day I was reminded of that scene for some odd reason only instead of going swimming again, I saw myself impishly splash her with the cool clear water of the lake, and her, laughing, push me back into the lake. I know at other times I have splashed water on her, and on others (I learned as a kid to not splash water into (older) sister's face because even if she says she doesn't care, she does, and she gets mad and I wasn't quick enough to escape the claw). Sometimes life does need some entertainment, and sometimes someone basking in the sun on a beautiful day at the most idyllic of hidden lakes needs cold water splashed on them.

In a smooth segue to an unrelated topic (see? that was smooth!) I play video games. During the mid-90's when my parents bought our first computer, my dad said explicitly that he didn't want it to become a $3000 Nintendo. That didn't last too long for me. I bought the Warcraft BattleChest and was hooked. It became an escape for me from the horrors of High School. One day I realized I was playing too many video games when I accidentally stepped on my dog Tilly (RIP, and not from me stepping on her) and she yelped (as one would do when stepped on). I immediately turned to my brother and said "Oh man, I wish I would have saved that so I could reload it and go back and not step on the dog". I believe he called me an idiot. It took me a minute to think over what I said and realize that yes, that was a pretty dumb thing to say.

Speaking of segues (Ha, another!) I wonder if I could purchase one to help me walk. Walking is pretty painful and I plan to return to the University of Victoria this fall to complete my studies. It's a pretty big place and if my classes are far apart I will need more time for the walk. I don't actually think I would get one because I would be too tempted to hold my cane like a sword (or a lance) and charge around. I have done similar things. Before my knee got really painful, I was hanging out with a friend and we decided to go jousting. Well I was the only one with a bike (my brother's bike). I am also right-handed, so I had my left hand on the brake. That is the front brake. My friend did the ol' pirouette out of the way and put a stick in the spokes. I did the ol' grab the brake as hard as you can, immediately followed by the ol' somersault off the bike (crushing the bullhorns to the handlebars as both the bike and I flipped. I landed on my head and rolled onto my back. I was wearing a helmet, which was the smartest thing I did that day, and when I realized I wasn't injured I started laughing and couldn't stop for what seemed hours but was more likely a measly ten minutes.

I still think my memory is pretty good. I have developed some memory techniques for school that I use to make studying more interesting. Actually I lied. I just read and write every thing out a bunch and in different ways and play memory games. I've even been known to do study groups. Funny thing though, I always have trouble memorizing English stuff. Shakespeare, as good as it is, puts me to sleep. I constantly am looking for ways to keep myself interested in which ever topic I am currently studying, and sometimes I fail. Back to memory though, I can still remember people's names and faces even if I barely (if at all) talked to them (as in people from school) but I can't for the life of me remember... hmmmm I forgot what I was going to type.

First Post

The title First Post brings to me thoughts of my Grandpa Franklin and at his memorial in the ANAFVets in Kamloops, BC in 2007. They played Last Post, which if you don't know is the military funeral dirge in Canada. I do not know if the U.S. (or any other country) uses this as well but it is the tune played during Remembrance Day ceremonies. As a child my father was in the Canadian Air Force and we lived in Germany. Every November 11th we would leave the Country and travel to an Allies cemetery for services. Seeing those rows upon rows of crosses had an effect on the child I was even though I didn't quite understand how each one represented a single person who died so we could be free from tyranny. Sometimes I wonder if we are being led into a new sort of tyranny, one controlled not by people but by laws and debt.

I think it is very poignant for people to think about November 11th and what it means even though it is not near. I had a plan as a child, and indeed it seemed the only thing I would do with myself. That would be to join the military, and preferably the Canadian Air Force. Ultimately my dream was broken as during a move in 1998, at age 16, I severely broke my left knee to the point that now, years later, I suffer from arthritis. I've had to quit my cooking jobs as walking even with a cane is extremely painful. Right now I don't know what I will do but I am hoping to return to the University of Victoria to complete my English degree. I started this blog with the intention of improving my writing skills as my desire for life now is to be a writer. I have said that for years lately but I haven't written much beyond poetry.

As you may surmise from my blog title, I am an adult with ADHD. I do not take medications for it as it makes life interesting in its own way. It is also very frustrating as I forget things because of distractions (I am easily distractable) and being physically disabled I cannot do much with my boundless energy. I am waiting for warmer weather when I will take my bike out as my Doctor keeps telling me to go biking to strengthen my knee. I also have a congenital defect in my right foot which required the fusing of the joint that lets you rock your foot from side to side. It too is very painful to be on for long periods of time. Pain eats at you. I've struggled with drug and alcohol addictions because of it but am taking medications so I can move somewhat. I hate to think of what's happening inside my knee though. When I broke my knee I knocked out the outside part of the joint at the bottom of my femur. This is what led to the weak knee and arthritis. Not fun for a mid 20's person to have arthritis.

Though initially I hope to have friends reading this who might be surprised at my hidden daemons (I like that spelling of it - That's ADHD happening right there too, the brief interspacing of a topic unrelated to the current sentence/paragrpah), I hope to expand beyond that and have my reflections and experiences be valid to anyone who chooses to read my blog. Despite my being inhibited physically, I still enjoy life, love, friendship and music. Alas, no more mosh pits at metal shows.